Happy Merdeka 0831

It is always a thrill to start a new semester. The lazy dazy vacation says goodbye, and it's college mates, classmates and lecturers time. For me, it is muchof a transition, especially the part where I will spend half of my day (or more sometimes) in college - meeting people, attending classes, meeting people. It is almost mundane. After some time, it becomes natural, dry. But at first, it's a disguised beast that will silently draw me out of focus with Him. Just too many people to see, not that seeing people is bad, but sometimes just thinking about the people I just meet or what I say to them takes up valuable time from spending time with God. Worst of all, it is the fact that when you meet friends, brothers and sisters, there is this evil tendency that my mind subsconciously thinks that companionship with God is no longer required.

I like hanging out with friends. Laughing, playing, chatting... who doesn't anyway? But sometimes, when I'm just sitting there amidst them, I tend to keep quiet,draw back- there is this sense of lossness, like I'm drowning in a host of conversations. And it got me thinking, is it really empty and meaningless, I mean all those laugheters and talking, just a way of the evil one to help us waste time instead of doing something for God? Don't get me wrong, it is completely Ok to have fellowship with friends, sometimes there is this line to be drawn, the line between knowing what we are talking or just empty 'crap'. Anyway, it's just a thought but come to think of it, sometimes when I'm hanging around with people, it keeps me 'addicted' and God would seem so far to me, though He's near. Well, better get back to my knees and work the relationship.

Much said, on another more solemn note, I send my condolences to uncle Richard's (my dad's cousin) family. To lose a loving father and husband is never easy thing, especially when he's young (early 50s) and sudden. All in all, he's a very nice man, and I'm sure he's in heaven rejoicing now...

0417

It's 4:17 am in the morning of 28th August 2005 - I can't sleep. A normal person will ask me to get some food, or milk; a christian will ask me to pray for peace; I ask myself to blog. The truth is I had late dinner and ALSO supper. I prayed for peace and I have it. The reason I can't sleep is that I've been catching up with the thinking. Being sick for five days (!) was a bit of a drag for me - physically, mentally, and spiritualy. All that a patient such as me do is sleep, wake up, eat 1/3 of my ordinary meal and sleep. The waking hours are spent wondering when I'll get well. The sleeping hours spent on who knows what...

And so the story goes on my thinking, thinking about what to expect in year 3, what to expect in Committee Meeting, how to spend more time with God etc. I seriously have no 1 perfect solution but at least now I'm feeling ready to get back to bed.

~z z z

Quote of the month

“Education by itself is dangerous."

-Tun Dr Mahathir, reported in thestar.com.my on Monday, August 22, 2005.

Love, for the day is near...

Many apologies for the long pause. I notice I hadn't been blogging for quite some time. Yet, much has happened since my last real blog (that excludes the poem). I guess I just couldn't put them all in words. To cut the story short, I got a job (helping my friend), lost the office keys (yes, again!) and went back to Ipoh for a visit with my cell group mates.

Clearly, the events in my life implies an interesting life that I have. But often, it is not the events that makes life, but the people in it. Regarding that, God has been bringing me through a lesson of dealing with people. I thank God everyday for the people around me. My gracious boss (John Ling) for one. My dear friend and brother Boon Yee another. However cliche I sound, I need to say this: christians are different. Yet, there are some other christians that makes me frustrated and sends me spinning in anger. "Personality" some might say. "Sin?" some might ask. But they made me angry and/ or disappointed all right? They make me wanna scream ok?

On another note, whether it be 'the still small voice' or whether you call it my 'conscience', my mind always made to react positive, not negatively, although sometimes I would act to the contrary. You know, the flesh is weak...

Whatever the reason why sometimes our own brothers and sisters upset us, and however we react, God is taking us through a journey of learning and experience- this is always what I hold on to. And this is really something I need to learn, to be gracious, to love, to forgive... something that I struggle. In all that I experienced, I sincerely hope, and honestly pray, that what I've gone through, I would not only learn from it, but also believe in it that loving is God's will , however 'hard' I think it is.

Father, thank you for Your manifold blessings, which is based upon Your great love. It is not that I love You, but You loved me first. Thank You for Your Son Jesus, who came to show me to love. I ask Lord for forgiveness over the many shortcomings and my disability to show love to my brothers and sisters. Cleanse me with the precious blood of the Lamb. Help me to hide Your Word in my heart to love. Help me react in a manner that is pleasing to Your eyes. Take me through this journey of faith as I keep my eyes fixed on You always, by Your grace. Amen

A poem by Anna Laetitia Wuring

Father, I know that all of my life is portioned out for me

And the changes that are sure to come, I do not fear to see

But I ask Thee for a present mind, intent on pleasing Thee.



I ask Thee for a thoughtful love, through constant watching wise,

To meet the glad with joyful smiles and to wipe the weeping eyes

And a heart at leisure from itself, to soothe and sympathize.



I would not have the restless will that hurries to and fro

Seeking for some great things to do or some secret thing to know

I would be treated as a child and guided where to go.



Wherever in the world I am, in whatsoever estate

I have fellowship with hearts to keep and cultivate

And a work of lowly love to do, for the Lord on whom I wait.



So I ask Thee for the daily strength, to none that ask denied

And a mind to blend with the outward live while keeping at Thy side

Content to fill a little space, if Thou art glorified.



And if sometimes I do not ask in my cup of blessing be,

I would have my spirit filled the more, with grateful love to Thee

More careful not to serve Thee much, but to please Thee perfectly.



There are briers besetting every path that call for patient care

There is a cross in every lot, and an earnest need for prayer

But a lowly heart that leans on Thee is happy everywhere.



In service which Thy will appoints there are no bonds for me

For in my inmost heart is taught the truth that makes Thy children free

And a life of self-renouncing love, is a life of liberty.



~Anna Laetitia Wuring~

My Longest Blog Ever

There are different seasons in each of our lives. The bible tells us this in Ecclesiastes 3. In recent weeks, I have been going through a time of losing, something common in all of our lives. I lost my phone and my house/car keys in the matter of 7 days (that’s a week!); in between, I failed my Public Law paper. As if material loss is not ‘bad enough’, in some sense I lost my ego and my pride, in which are both fitting and good for heaven’s sake. I shall explain more on this.

For a great part of my life, I have always thought that I have life all under control. I guess the foolishness of thinking that I have a higher “I.Q.” than some of the people around me has gotten the better of me. As a result of my pride, the malady of crowning myself as lord of my own life come in to consume me, which is both my sin and deceit of the enemy. Although I always appear to be humble (looks can deceive!), parts of me are not. But thank to the Lord God, who is forever faithful and good, I manage to identify and thus deal with my lack of trust in Him. The events that had taken place during the past week or so have demonstrated that I am a human prone to mistakes and doomed for destruction. It is not just the losing of belongings, but also the lose of self-belonging. Indeed, not just the people around me who are disappointed with me, but most of all the self-disappointment that often comes in and push me off the cliffs into the pit. I was disappointed of this Nicholas Hor, whom I always thought was so reliable would lose such things as his “most-precious” Motorola V878, or his aunt’s house and car keys in a matter of weeks. Equally disappointing was the failure of the law paper that always thought so confidently that I could be able to pass. Lo and behold, it struck me like lightning, and in case you hadn’t realized, it struck me three times, in the same spot – the heart.

Since the beginning of history, man had never not been a disappointment, whether to themselves, to someone else, or to God. Yet, if we allow it, by God’s grace, and through Jesus Christ His only Son, we have hope in the midst of hopelessness; and light in the midst of darkness. “For all have sinned and fallen short of God’s glory…” and “the wages of sin is death…” but “the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus”. And as I would put it- for all have been hopeless but God is here(!) to give us hope. As I walked into God’s sanctuary this morning, I begin to realize all His mercies and the mystery of His Grace. Whether my recent ordeal was from God, satan or man, God allowed it to happen (as what the beloved Dr Tan Soo Inn had shared) for His divine purposes. And if I shall add, God allows problems and troubles to happen to His people because He loves them, and somehow or rather, (and I boldly claim) brings back hope. So very often, we are only reminded of God’s grace in our troubles, not in our happy moments- a truth that Moses boldly claimed, “…When you have eaten your fill in this land, be careful not to forget the Lord…” (Deuteronomy 6:11-12). Although I always have the knowledge of being humility, as I entered His sanctuary, humility came as knowledge in the heart, not in the head. God loves the humble, the proud He will humble. “Pride leads to disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.” (Proverbs 11:2)

The Lord our God is the King of kings and Lord of lords. He is the Lord of all creation, the Mighty One of Israel. He is the Master of our lives and the Banner of our hearts. Without humility, no one can truly say this. This is why God was so delighted with the trio of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob (a question I have been pondering for some time now. Amen! God answers!). Because of Abraham’s humility, he trusted in God and willingly sacrificed Isaac. Because of Isaac’s humility, he pleaded with God for childless Rebekah. Because of Jacob’s humility, he refused to release God until God blessed him (credit to Joram for his God-revealed wisdom). And hence, God had never been ashamed to call Himself “the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. Someone once said, “humility” comes from the word “human”. I took a search through Oxford and found that much more real and truthfully, the word came from “humble”, and “humble” actually relates more to the word “humus”, in which know, is soil. The Word of God agrees and tells us that we were made from the “dust of the earth” (Genesis 2:7). Surely, to be humble is to know that we are but creation of God, coming from the dust, and would still only be dust if it was not for God, who breathed into us the breathed of life. This day I pray that God will continue to take me through this journey of humility, knowing more about His awesomeness and His grace, which is sufficient for me. I echo the words of David, “The one thing I ask of the Lord- the thing I seek the most- is to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, delighting in the Lord’s perfections and meditating in His Temple.” (Psalm 27:4)

In Your awesome presence, O Lord, there is fullness of joy. Amen

And so was the testimony of God’s hope-giving. But yet, the most important lesson I learnt for the past few days especially, was LOVE. Throughout my so-called ‘great trials’, many of the brothers and sisters around me continuous helped me and encouraged me. Indeed I am touched by their acts of love: my dear sister Joyce who fetched me around to find my keys and fetched me home when the search failed, brother Boon Yee who continuously helped me and fetched me, Sharon who prayed for me, and many more of my family’s (both at home and in church) encouragements. Undoubtedly, they are true followers of Christ for those who belong to Christ will love their brother… The Holy Spirit in me also convicts me that since the day is near, I really should begin to love. I confess that I have not loved enough previously and by the grace of God I shall pursue the God-given purpose of life:

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength; and love your neighbour as yourself.

There are three things that will endure – faith, hope and love – and the greatest of these is love. (1 Corinthians 13:13)

God is good and His love endures forever. I write this whole blog more to convict myself than anybody else. Indeed, I need to be reminded of His faithfulness and His love.

If you are reading this:

To God, who alone is wise, be the glory forever through Jesus Christ, Amen.